Time to update Oxford English Dictionary with 2019 hysteria (Satire)


time-to-update-oxford-english-dictionary-with-2019-hysteria-(satire)

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In the Tradition of Oxford English Dictionary, I recommend the following terms to be defined and included into a modern version of English Language.

DNC – Democrats Nominate Clintons. A secret and nefarious body within Democratic Party that Makes Sure that only Clintons and their Clones get Nominations.

White Helmets – a new form of birth control. It prevents members of the mainstream press from getting impregnated by truth. Any reporter travelling to Middle East, Russia, Europe, or China is required to wear one all the time.

Impeachment – a transgender incubus that visits nightly the Democrats in their sleep. The touch of Impeachment is so enticing, that those affected can’t think of anything else even during their waking hours.

Greta – A naïve character from Brothers Grimm’s Fairy Tale. In this tale, Greta leads her brother along with thousands of trusting adults deep into dark woods, where the evil Witch, called Climate Change, inflicts endless suffering upon her victims. These suffering included floods, draughts, locusts, boils, plagues, death of livestock, and listening to NPR all the time.

Ukraine – an Illegitimate child of the secret love affair between Clintons, Biden, Obama, Merkel, and assorted Polish and Swedish Blonds. The child –instead of becoming an angelic baby with blond curls, grew up into a modern Frankenstein who eats its own parts, and infects anyone who touches it with hatred and paranoia.

Brexit – an evil uncle of Boris Johnson. When Boris’ ambitions to fill the shoes of great British Prime Ministers, like Disraeli or Churchill, has failed to realize, in comes Brexit, and relying on his network of old Etonians and angry proletarians, helped Boris to achieve his goals.

Steele Dossier – the collection of adult cartoons that described–in the most grotesque and ridiculous details-the sexapades of the presidential candidate, Donald Trump. The collection is so grotesque and unrealistic, that only the most sordid porn-watchers and the most valiant agents of CIA and FBI find it plausible.

Quid Pro Quo – one of the most sordid stories in Steele dossier, that depicts Donald Trump sleeping with fifty-five concubines of the Ukrainian Ruler in one night, beating therefore the feat of Heracles’ who is known to sleep with fifty daughters of a Greek King.

Russians – a mysterious group of people –who, similar to the demons of ancient times, the witches of the middle ages, or the Jews of the later period—was created by the western mind for the purposes of scape-goating. Russians combine all possible contradictions: hey can be simultaneously weak and strong; socialist, yet greedy and rapacious; conniving yet very sloppy; they can pull a very sophisticated stunt, yet leave all the traces and clues, they lead back to them. They can’t do anything without cheating; yet, they are always caught in their lies. General public in the west is convinced that the only way to defeat Russians is to vote for the candidate, who can say “Russians” faster than his rivals.

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